can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
