Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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