doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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