just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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