I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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