i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
