I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
