I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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