I'd wear matching sweaters with you
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
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i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
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Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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