i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So much Jack, so little girl.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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