So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
