haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
