really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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