I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize