Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
