he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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