i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i would punch a child for taco bell
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
