"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
