I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
