I'm going to jail i love you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
