I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
