I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
