Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Actions speak louder than pants.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
