I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
