i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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