There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
