A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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