cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
