This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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