just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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