I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
