Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
