this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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