I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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