Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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