the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize