We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
where does the pee come out of this thing
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
