so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
