I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
