I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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