Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
