I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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