hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Boobs speak an international language.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
