THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
