i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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