How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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