I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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