Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
