Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
