Your face is a jimmy john
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
