This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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