You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
