A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize