I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize