Heybabeimwearingurpanties
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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