you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
