K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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