I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
