Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
