Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
