i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
