the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
sex in a hospital.. check
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
A+ Viking dick
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm, like, this ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ close to buying crocs
And you're also ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
