I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
