I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
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Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
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The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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