Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
