Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
