3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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