I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
