perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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