The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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