Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
