Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
