There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
